Last Day of Winter Break

     Well, it has been basically a month since the fall semester ended, the spring semester starts up tomorrow. I enjoyed my break immensely. There was lots of quality family time, visiting and catching up with friends, "doing" the Christmas and New Year's holidays, creating art, cooking, reading, organizing, cleaning and keeping my blog updated often. I felt all the tension leave my shoulders and upper back shortly after Christmas, when I really had no serious commitments left or due dates looming. But as I sit here typing, taking a break from one last home project that must be finished today, I feel those butterflies returning to my stomach. I don't carry them around all the time, just in the beginning, before I've gotten the syllabuses and heard what the instructors will be requiring for my new classes.
     I actually did very well last semester, grade-wise, I got a 4.0, and made the part time Dean's list for a third semester, though I can say I've never gotten a 4.0 before, at least not since high school. Even my college career at CMU never included a 4.0 semester. But I worked very hard for those grades, made a lot of sacrifices because I wanted to understand the materials, programs and concepts well enough to show someone else, which I have always believed to be the true measure of "learning," the ability to teach it to someone else. Dreamweaver is the only problem. I got a 4.0, but learned hardly anything that I did not teach myself in that "Web Design I" class. What a mess it was, I'm still lamenting over the money and time I wasted by taking that class. I did complain, but there was nothing that could be done. I bought a Dreamweaver CS4, "Classroom in a Book," publication and had planned to go through it over the break and teach myself. However, I found that I needed  serious down time. I needed to recharge and reconnect with family and friends more than anything else. So now I will take my Dreamweaver book with me to class, and in between classes, I will go chapter by chapter and teach myself Dreamweaver this semester, bit by bit.
     I believe that if you want something badly enough, you have to just go get it and not let a bad experience keep you from achieving your goals. In the past, I would have felt like I was the problem, incapable of learning the complexities of the program, but luckily, with the passing of the years, has come real wisdom and insight. I can actually see where the real problem is, assess my own abilities and limitations and rework my plan to get what I need. Sadly, I watched many of my classmates, most of them just out of high school, struggle and eventually give up on that class. I showed anyone who asked or who I sat near, whatever I could to help them, but there was so much we didn't learn, it was frustrating for everyone. But as I've said before, I'm on a mission. I want this more than I've wanted anything for a very long time. I want to work as a web developer, comfortable with the coding side and design side, for the rest of my life, as a career, as a way to make a living. So I'm dedicated to this mission, extremely focused and will not be deterred by any obstacles, whether they are external or of my own making. I have to add that I am so passionate about this area, I have loved everything I have learned to date and cannot wait to learn the rest! Bring it, BRING IT!!!!

You've Got to be Kidding and Mermaid Wisdom

  
     A couple new visual journal pages. One about my ridiculous gall bladder called "You've Got to be Kidding." Might as well have fun with this right? And I had fun making a grand poobah type headress for this persona, and very prickly looking hair.  I also had fun with her shoes, love to make curly toed shoes for some reason, I don't own a single pair and wouldn't know where to buy them either. The jelly belly logo in her hands represents my own jelly like belly that probably got me into this mess as well as the irony that I can still have jelly belly products, since most are fat fee. The stand up collar is something I want to add to more figures as well, something regal yet silly about it with lots of potential I think. We'll see...

     The other is titled "Mermaid Wisdom." I am crazy about mermaids, among other things. They appeal to me artistically in a way that invades my thoughts pretty often. I find the idea of mermaids mysterious, sensuous, beautiful, serene and playful all at once.  I also love the water and maybe that has something to do with my feelings too. And then there is living so close to Lake Michigan, you can't help feeling inspired every time you drive by or jump in. I'd love to write a book, create a few sculptures and some dolls, all are already formed in my head, but I haven't done more than collect the items I need to start...just procrastinating at this point for some reason. Visual journal pages give me the opportunity to explore a little more with them in a more manageable way until I'm ready for the big stuff. At least that is what I'm telling myself, don't you love rationalizations?